Feeling miserable. Really miserable. Network's been here but a while and things had to turn sour. But ask her and she'll tell you an altogether different story. Not a bad thing to happen really. Just the way it happened. And I HAD to be the messenger of doom. Been trying to tell myself that it is the way of life in the corporate world and that you either perform or perish. But still feels kind of hollow in there. Feel like I have cheated someone of something important.

Question is, does she want it really, or is this blue hellhole just another reason to stick to employment. Just so that something better turns up. Met Symbo today. At least he has known her for a while and can understand her better. Told him about the whole deal. Told him he's lucky to have been out of this place.

But somewhere, I have this nagging feeling that in the quest to be a better person, I'm being unfaithful to the hand that has been feeding me. Can't seem to get rid of this thought.